When you lose the wind from your sails
Have you ever felt cast adrift at sea? As though the wind has gone out of your sails and you’re not sure where to head next?
You’re not alone.
I love this heartfelt article from Leadership coach and author Suzi McAlpine. It is an honest and thoughtful viewpoint on how it feels to be ‘at sea’. She beautifully describes the discomfort we can feel when we’re moving towards a shift in our lives or careers, but not yet clear on our destination. When we’re in the dead calm - somewhere between ‘no longer’ and ‘not yet’. She highlights the pressure we can place on ourselves to keep moving and have all the answers. When in fact, taking a pause and creating the space to tune-in to our inner thoughts and desires might be what’s needed.
I too have had this feeling of being cast adrift. For me it happened on my career break. I called it ‘the messy middle’ or ‘the goo phase’, and I still feel it from time-to-time. In fact, for many of us Gen Xers it’s where we’re at right now. According to the book ‘The 100 year life’ by Lynda Gratton and Andrew Scott, those of us in Gen-X (that is, aged between 45 - 60 years) are at the half-way mark in our lives. This is a point when we might be making some kind of life or career shift, and questioning what’s important.
Mid-life: from Crisis to Renaissance
We go through many different transitions in our lives. The mid-life one in particular is often referred to as the mid-life crisis. Yet, there’s an increasing realisation that maybe it’s not a crisis at all. Perhaps we’re simply at a point in our lives when we’re re-evaluating what’s important - what we care about, what our purpose is, what we no longer want to carry around and what legacy we want to leave. In her (lively and entertaining) podcast with Liz Earle, Eleanor Mills (journalist, author and founder of Noon) describes this transitional phase as a renaissance or rebirth - a time when we’re re-thinking what our future looks like and re-setting our agenda.
“The Only Constant in Life Is Change”
Shifting is hard
Regardless of our age or the timing, shifting from one thing to another is hard. And - as Suzi highlights in her article - being in the space in between is hard too. Leadership coach and Changemaker, Digby Scott, calls it ‘the liminal space’. He believes we’re always in it to some degree - our bodies always ageing, our relationships evolving, our knowledge growing, and our organisations adapting. The world we live in is not the same today as it was a year ago. So, if change is constant, perhaps we need to get better at mastering it? Eleanor describes this as strengthening our transitional muscles so that we have the skills to shift well from one thing to another. But right now there’s no playbook to guide us.
“To change is difficult. Not to change is fatal.”
Navigating the ‘in between’
So how do we navigate the in-between space? That feeling of being cast adrift in the dead calm? In her article, Suzi makes a few suggestions and I’ve shared my own experience in a previous blog. It seems we agree on four key things:
Take it slow. Don’t force the pace. The answers will come when they’re damned well good and ready.
Be kind. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. You’re exactly where you need to be right now.
Tune in. Listen to your instincts and pay attention to your thoughts and feelings - the messages (and answers) will emerge.
Find your tribe. Share your situation with others, and you will undoubtedly discover friends, family and new connections who are in a similar space. In that community you can find strength and support.
And while the shift is happening…. try to enjoy the view across that beautiful calm sea. No doubt the wind will pick up soon enough (especially if you live in Wellington!).
J. xx
“Every next level of your life will require a different you.”