Finding the courage to let go
Making the leap out of your old career, before you know what’s next
Right now I’m on a career break. Some may call it a sabbatical, others would bluntly say - unemployed. Regardless, here I am - a senior leader with a 26 year career - in between jobs with no clear next step.
This career break was my choice. It was an intentional decision after realising one day that my job was no longer serving ‘me’. Don’t get me wrong, it was an incredible job. I was leading a successful business and talented team, working for a world-class global brand and with great clients. But the role had evolved over time and it no longer felt ‘right’ for me - I had reached a point where I felt I wasn’t growing or enjoying my work. In fact, I was spending a lot of time doing stuff that I didn’t enjoy, and sometimes wasn’t even very good at!
In hindsight, the signals had been there for a while - a feeling of unease, a little questioning voice in my head, subtle (and not-so-subtle!) changes in my mood and attitude. I wasn’t being my best self at work or at home. At first I ignored the signs. But they persisted, until I had no option but to take notice and take action.
So, I resigned.
Leaping is scary
Taking the leap without knowing what’s next is scary. Terrifying in fact. It took a huge amount of courage - and I wouldn’t typically describe myself as a ‘brave’ person. But, deep down, I knew that staying wasn’t right for me. I strongly believed that making a change was the right thing to do - my courage came from my conviction.
I now find myself five weeks into my ‘career break’ and wow - what a ride! Before stepping into this I knew several senior female leaders who had taken this kind of break and moved on to other things. They had all looked back on that time fondly - describing it as wonderful, rewarding and re-energising. But no one told me it was hard. Because being inside the transition is hard - it’s uncomfortable, awkward and scary.
There’s no playbook for how to navigate this kind of career transition. Although, I’m sure someone has written a book about it and I’ve found a few good blogs. Melissa Camara Wilkins charmingly describes it as ‘The Messy Middle’ or The Goo Phase. And a good friend neatly summed up my own experience as being ‘a bit like letting go of your own trapeze, before you can see the hands that will catch you - exciting and terrifying all at once’.
“It’s a bit like letting go of your own trapeze, before you can see the hands that will catch you - exciting and terrifying all at once”.
Turns out, it’s also slightly socially unacceptable for a senior female leader to not have a tidily planned and clearly defined next step up her career ladder (we’ll talk about ladders in another blog). On the one hand, I’ve had incredible support from friends and colleagues about making such a brave decision. On the flip side, there’s been raised eyebrows, outright disbelief, concern over my ‘wellbeing’ and cautious advice to not stay out of work too long. Unhelpfully, my very shouty inner critic has also joined that fray - questioning if I’ve made the right decision and doubting my future employability
I’ve had to hold on very tightly to the courage of my conviction.
Tips for navigating The Goo
My own approach to dealing with The Goo Phase has been to talk, learn and reflect. I’m still on my transition journey, but here’s what I’ve learned so far.
Heed the signals. I knew for a long time that it was time to change, but I ignored the signals and then procrastinated about taking action. When I finally announced my resignation the sense of relief and ‘rightness’ was incredible.
Keep the faith. The Goo Phase is full of derailers. There’s fear - of the unknown, of other people’s opinions, of losing income, of not finding a new job. There’s also guilt about being selfish or putting the family under pressure. And of course good old shame - about not having a clear answer or a clear plan (or a current CV!). Believing in myself and holding on tight to my conviction, is helping to guide me through the ups and downs.
Expect ‘the feelings’. I was surprised by my mixed emotions and low energy levels in the first few weeks. I had expected to feel light, airy and unburdened! But the reality was more like plain exhaustion. Initially, I deferred dealing with that by keeping busy… with family, a sick teenager, preparing for our house renovation… you name it. But eventually I had to face up to it, cancel some of the busy-ness and take time to recover. Now I’ve emerged into some space, and it’s forced me to accept that making a courageous decision takes energy. I’m trying to be kinder to myself while I’m taking this break.
Ignore the inner critic. It's very SHOUTY and it tends to be at its loudest when we’re in uncharted territory. But it’s important to let it go. I’ve had to regularly remind myself about this being The Right Thing for me. The shouty critic can be so damned undermining. I mean, when you’re flying through mid-air, it’s not like you can turn around and grab back onto your old trapeze is it?
Lean on your people. Know who you can call when times get tough (or when the inner critic gets on a roll). I’m lucky to have some special people in my life who I can rely on to listen, and be frank and honest when it counts. Brene Brown calls them The Square Squad - the people who care enough about you to be honest, rather than simply telling you what you want to hear. In my family we call them ‘Accountability buddies’ - the ones who nudge you to get going, and help you stay on track when you get the speed wobbles.
Talk it out. This has been my modus operandi. Lots of coffee dates with people in my network, friends, family and colleagues. For me, this has been one of the most inspiring, energising and rewarding parts of this transition. I’ve caught up with old friends and new ones, spoken with allies and people in similar situations, found new Instagrammers to follow and blogs to read. All the while, I’ve been paying attention to what interests and excites me, what lights me up, what feels energising. I believe these are pointers towards my new direction.
Get to know yourself. I’ve been doing some reflection and getting to know myself better, to help with my decision about what’s next. I’ve sent a survey to friends and old colleagues to ask for their feedback on my superpowers. Not only has it been a wonderful gift to hear their feedback (naturally, all the questions are positively inclined!), it has also given me an insight into strengths that I was either unaware of or took for granted in myself. It’s helping me to think about myself in a different way.
“Being in equilibrium breeds comfort. Feeling off balance leads to growth.”
The next step?
After five weeks it feels like I’ve had some time for renewal and some time for reflection. Now I’m starting to think ahead. I’m turning the new knowledge about myself into an updated CV, and my next step is to learn more about the different types of roles that could benefit from the strengths I’ve identified. What I do know is that the next step in my career will be a differently shaped role in a differently shaped organisation. But I don’t intend to base my decision on a particular job title or job description. Instead, I’ll be exploring which roles will give me the chance to use my superpowers at work every day.
I’ll keep you posted.
J. xx