Finding success with less stress
Is it time to start pulling back?
In the wake of mental health awareness week last month, I’ve been rocked by two very different situations that got me thinking about stress and success in the modern world. I’m worried about their combined impact and wondering if it’s time for a re-think?
Two warning flags
The first was being witness to the near burnout of an ambitious, high achieving, young working mum. She was a strategic thinker and positive influence with a hard work ethic. But her expectations of herself were so high, and she was stretched so thin across family and work demands, that it was taking a visible toll on her health. Fortunately her situation was recognized soon enough for a positive intervention to be made.
Sadly, that was not the case in the second situation - the unexpected and tragic death of a friend. A person who achieved what many of us would describe as outstanding success - in his education, career, sport, family and community. Yet he tragically chose to end his own life, much to the devastation of family, friends and our community.
Both high achievers. Both outwardly successful in work and life. Both stretched across a whole lot of stuff, and each responding in a very different way. Were they carrying too much? If so, why and what do we need to change?
Two sides to success
The desire for success plays an important and positive role in our lives. It fuels us to set goals, reach high, lift out of our comfort zones and aspire to achieve at the highest levels. It drives athletes, entrepreneurs, artists, leaders and everyday people to achieve more than we imagined. It has a positive ripple effect too, with the success of some becoming an inspiration to others. So we seek out and share the lessons they’ve learned, in the hope of capturing some of that magic, and so on.
Success also has a dark side. In the modern Western world, it increasingly correlates with the pressures of busy and more. Pressure to achieve more, do more, be more and fit more into our 24 hours and 7 days. We are constantly squeezing stuff in - more emails, more work, more deadlines, more activities with our kids, more commitments in our communities. Busy is the new normal. It’s our default response when asked how we are. It’s almost a badge of honour.
“Busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to.”
Why the squeeze?
Why are we cramming so much in?
Modern life is fast and full of opportunities. So much so that we can become busy almost without realising it. Our ego is tempted when we’re invited to join a committee or take on a Board role. Our people pleaser says ‘yes’ when we’re asked to help at school or in the community. Our high achiever kicks in when we’re offered that special project at work. Our hard worker volunteers to do extra, and our perfectionist insists on doing it to a high level. We get pulled into others' agendas. We say ‘yes’ to please or appease. We get distracted by our always-on technology and social media. Before we know it, we’re stretched thin.
The upshot? Overwork, overwhelm, stress and burnout are increasingly common. In 2023, a UK study found that 74% of people feel so stressed they have been overwhelmed or unable to cope. In the US, burnout from workplace stress is at an all time high and last year, more than half of New Zealanders felt stressed to the point where it impacted their daily life and caused them to feel unable to cope. This pressure is not only felt by us mere mortals, but also high-profile athletes, celebrities and leaders.
In her book A minute to think, Juliet Funt makes a sobering comment - “tragically, we are too busy to become less busy”. In reality, without space, we can’t sustain ourselves. It’s time to make a change.
“You can do anything, but not everything.”
Time to recalibrate
How do we still aspire to success with less squeeze and less stress?
The antidote to complexity is simplicity. And keeping things simple has been prescribed for centuries by leaders, gurus, religions and creators. Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius encouraged his followers to “find joy in simplicity”. Simplicity was one of the primary concepts espoused by Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, and it’s a core principle of all major religions. It lies at the heart of one of the world’s most successful software companies - Apple. And is the subject of countless international bestsellers.
But ‘keep it simple’ is particularly un-helpful advice for anyone buried in the day to day, stressed out and unable to see the wood for the trees. That’s why I was delighted to discover the book - Essentialism, by Greg McKeown (thanks to my friend Kate).
“The way of the Essentialist is the relentless pursuit of less but better”
This book is dedicated to the idea that we should all stop doing so much. In fact, it argues we should actively and intentionally pursue less, in order to do things better. To shift from spreading our energy in multiple directions with minimal impact, to focussing our energy in a particular direction for maximum impact (as shown).
Source: Essentialism, by Greg McKeown
Less, but better? Nope, it’s not an oxymoron. Juliet Funt reckons that less liberates us. Her book is littered with examples of where and how it can make our work and life smarter, and more productive. We need to create a world with less as part of our plan. Helpfully, it’s entirely possible to do less if we accept that not everything is equally important.
“Less can be the new more if we give it a chance.”
There are far more activities in the world than we have time and resources to invest in. “Although many of them may be good, or even very good, the fact is that most are trivial and few are vital” (McKeown). The idea behind Essentialism is to figure out what’s essential to you, filter through all the options available, then ruthlessly focus. That means focussing on the things that help you achieve everything that is essential, and nothing that isn’t. It’s both a mindset and a methodology for action. Even better, it’s not just about work, it’s about life.
In pursuit of less
I love this idea of intentionally doing less to achieve more. It feels spacious and liberating and powerful. But I’ll admit, it also feels like it could be one of those “of course we should all do that” ideas, which are eminently smart but bloody hard to put into practice.
I’m curious and keen to give it a crack. So I’m off to find out more. Meantime, I’ll leave you with these words of wisdom…
“If you seek tranquility - do less.”
I’ll keep you posted.
Love J xx
PS. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, stressed or struggling with mental health, there is hope and there is help. Please talk to someone. You can find out where to get help here or call any of these helplines -
Need to talk? (1737 – free call or text) any time for support from a trained counsellor
The Depression Helpline (0800 111 757) 757 or free text 4202 (to talk to a trained counsellor about how you are feeling or to ask any questions)
Healthline (0800 611 116)
Youthline (0800 376 633)
The Lowdown Text 5626 for support to help young people recognise and understand depression or anxiety.
Alcohol Drug Helpline (0800 787 797)