Conquering stress & overload
Five questions to get back in control
The lead-up to Christmas is the silly season, and I recently found myself at a tipping point in work and life. Feeling overwhelmed, overwrought, and generally… over ‘it’. The pressure, busy-ness and frenetic pace all felt too much. Ironic really, given I’ve recently blogged about the way to success being to do less! I needed to take some of my own advice.
For years my guidance to family, friends or staff in this situation has been ‘Jodi’s four D’s’. This time I thought perhaps I should stress-test my old advice. So, I did some research, and read about Essentialism and finding A Minute to Think. The upshot? I learned ‘the 4 D’s’ is not my idea at all, but a tried and tested approach to time management. I learned there’s a lot of different approaches. And, ultimately, I came full circle - back to the four D’s… with the modification of one extra ‘D’.
Here are my five D’s and the corresponding questions I asked myself:
“Q1. First, what can you do for you?”
1. Detach. You can’t solve any problem if you’re not in the right head space to begin with. When you’re stuck in the weeds, the first priority is to get perspective. One of my favourite leadership coaches describes this as ‘getting off the dance floor and up on the balcony’. For me, it means doing something to invest in myself first - anything to reset my mood, my energy, my state - so I can get into a more open frame of mind.
The ideal is taking time out - to break the circuit and refresh. But we don’t always have that luxury. Fortunately, it’s easier and quicker than we might think to change our state, and small shifts can make a massive difference. On this particular day I went for a brisk walk around the block and did some deep breathing. Followed by a brain dump - writing down my mental ‘to do’ list. It was a cathartic start.
“Q2. What can you ditch, delete and uncommit? ”
2. Ditch. The next priority is to get stuff off your plate. I’ve found three useful questions to ask here:
What can I ditch? It’s amazing how often the trivial and expendable creeps into our day and derails our time. It’s liberating to find the inane distracting stuff and delete it entirely (start with deleting your Notifications and notice how much peace you regain!).
What can I decline? We can quickly end up over-committed from taking on extra projects without really having the capacity. Whether it’s to help others or to serve our own ego, these commitments accumulate before we know it. Yet our time is precious, and we need to be ultra selective about where we invest it. If saying ‘no’ is a tough ask for your inner People Pleaser, here’s a handy list of refusal tips to ‘say no like a pro’.
What can I uncommit from? How often do we sign up for something that turns into a burden? I love the idea of uncommitting - it’s perfectly OK to reconsider and withdraw from activities, committees and commitments that we’ve outgrown or that are no longer serving us.
“Q3. What can you do later?”
3. Defer. Just because something is on your ‘to do’ list, doesn’t necessarily mean it needs to be done now. In fact, it can be surprisingly easy to postpone some activities for a later time. What’s more, we can earn respect by being up-front about our capacity. One of my colleagues is great at saying “Thanks for the opportunity. I’d love to be involved but I don’t have capacity right now. Can we talk again next week/month?”. Give it a try - what can you postpone to another day, week or month (or even next year)?
“Q4. What can you delegate to others? ”
4. Delegate. Delegating is a vital skill that we too often neglect. It’s powerful because it’s flexible and dynamic. It can work in every direction - down, up and out. It can also work in most contexts - at work and at home. This one is especially important for working Mums, who carry the extra mental load of home and family. So, I was delighted to discover Fair Play - Eve Rodsky’s revolutionary tool for sharing household tasks and chores… with the whole family! If you find delegating hard or believe you’re ‘not good at delegating’ - try reframing it to simply be asking for help.
“Q5. What must you do?
(and what can you do badly?)”
5. Do. This brings us to the final step.
Must do’s. Our first priority is to focus on the must do’s - the essential few tasks that will make the biggest impact. It’s well known that 80% of our impact typically comes from 20% of our effort. So, if your list is still longer than ideal at this point, now it’s time to work smart. Brace your inner perfectionist for the next question …
Do badly. A wonderful Harvard Business School professor identified that successful leaders realise they can’t do it all. They dare to be bad at some things in order to be great at others. It’s such a liberating idea! What do you really need to do well? And what can you get away with doing average or badly? Sometimes, done is better than perfect.
Do next. Now, what’s the immediate next step you’re going to take - to get momentum and start making progress? It could be writing a shorter list, applying the 1-2-3 method or committing a 25 minute Pomodoro to your toughest priority task.
So, there you have it
The Five D’s for conquering busy-ness, chaos and stress.
In all honesty, I constantly need to remind myself about this list and I don’t always get it right. Nevertheless, working through these five questions helps me get clarity and makes me feel better, every time.
I hope it’s helpful for you too.
Love J xx